|Me at 9|
I was at mama's today having lunch with her as I do every Wednesday. We got to talking, and invariably it will turn to talk of my abuse as a child. She has no one ese to talk about this with and I am trying to help her get through the grief and guilt she feels. Mama would not be willing to talk to anyone else, she needs to let go.
The rest of it was that "he" caught up with me in the changing room; (I have no idea where my sister was, still in the water I presume.) He forced me to do what I wouldn't do in the water then made me clean him and myself. I was 9 or 10 years old. Worse I remembered the vile words he said, the hatred and pure evil in his voice. It was if he was standing right there saying it all over again. I was shaking, nearly hysterical, I went by my daughter's home, she wasn't home. I couldn't call, I just couldn't. I needed a distraction. Sounds stupid but as upset as I was, I went to my cell carriers store, I've been having issues with it. I spent 2 hours there trying to get it fixed. As long as I was talking and working with them I could maintain.
I'll put on a smile and dance with you, if you promise to dance even while I cry.