Memories of how I used to live have been slammed in my face, the fear, the insecurity, the pain, the feeling of being drowned and everything being beyond my own control. It is horrifying to watch someones life unravel, to feel the heaviness in your heart for someone you love who is lost. Suicide being not mentioned but insinuated, if not suicide then hurting someone else. To see the one you love come this close to snapping and there being absolutely nothing you can say or do.Them verbalizing"it is going to happen", "It is already to late", I had to leave. I could call the police, to what end? Nothing has happened, there would not be help, only a talking too!
How do you tell someone to hush their mouth when they cannot hear you speaking? How do you tell them they are acting insane, when they are so far gone that they are insane. How do you shut down an antagonistic, without antagonizing.
How do you tell some one that is wound up so tight, trying to find release, to breath and relax. I have felt that tightness, for two thirds of my life, breath and relax never ever worked for me. When you can see the fear, while they assume it is anger, what do you do.
Though I have lived through all of this, different, but the same, I still have no answers. My heart is breaking, all I could do was walk away. I had to be selfish, I had to preserve my own sobriety, sanity, as well as my own power of reason. When you can't be heard it is pointless to speak.
Those tears I cried for all those years, just simply aren't needed anymore.