Friday, August 12, 2011

New Day

My street

I have been observing things of late, I have discovered a lot of negativity around me, which might be a part of the cause for my personal moodiness. I realized that there is a lot of anger and angst.
I am in the process of disengaging myself from the anger within, I don’t have the ability to cope with the anger of others. What does this mean? It means for myself I can have empathy, but must not dive into the abyss with anyone.  I have chosen to live my life as a happy and loving adult. I won’t play games with my own emotions, nor the feelings of  anyone else.

I am not saying if you are angry to keep it to yourself, what I am saying if you are angry do something about it. Everyone needs to vent, myself included, if you are venting over the same things over and over you are coming close to insanity.
I am as guilty as the next guy about this. Whining and complaining changes nothing. If the situation is beyond your control, then you must learn to find happiness where you can. It truly takes much less energy to be happy than angry over something you can do nothing about.
I spent the better part of my life thinking,” if only” I was prettier he wouldn’t hit me....; I was smarter he would like me...., I had the money I would...., I had told sooner...., I hadn’t met him. Well all those “if onlys” fixed absolutely nothing.
Accepting has. Now I don’t mean you have to accept someone’s abusive behavior, or immoral behavior and keep them in your life.  Accepting that you made a bad  or uneducated choice is the only way you can change anything. Blaming is the same as “if only”, changes nothing.  Accept that you cannot; no matter what; change anyone,no matter how right you may be.. You can however accept that they won’t change or the circumstance wont change. You can accept who they are and put them out of your life in order to protect yourself. I f there is a situation that you cannot change or leave, You can educate yourself about whatever it is and develop coping skills for that particular problem.

Have any of you adopted a pet? I certainly have many of them.  What happens when you have a problem with that animal? Behavior not what you expected, personality doesn't work in your "family" ect. For my own case I educated myself further on the breed, worked with the animal, whom I came to love, tried to make a good match. It simply would not work, we ended up having to find a different home for him. This was heartbreaking, especially for my husband. We  have his sister and believed we understood the breed. In reality we understood the one we already had. He was a different and individual animal, we had to admit we made a poor choice. For his sake we had to let him go, we were all miserable, us because we couldn't give him what he needed and he because he was not receiving what he needed. This is simplified but the same, I couldn't change him, accepted him and made the choice to let him go so that he might be happy.

I am not saying that you or I are not entitled to our feelings of anger, certainly we are, when it becomes a problem is when you let it take over your choices, decisions, love, and peace of mind.

If there is someone who is ill in your life, mental, emotional, or physical. Obviously you cannot fix what the problem is. You can educate yourself about the illness, share what you have learned. Show compassion but don’t let it take you down as well.  All this is much easier to write about than it is to put into action. I am very determined to no longer allow the world to control my choices, that is my job.

I am not sure this is making any sense! What it boils down to is that it is your life to live, I want to live mine with the most joy possible. If that means you can't be a part of my life, then I am sorry for that; I have a right to my happiness, I have let too many people destroy it for to many years.


  1. jan i have read many self help books in the last 2 years (when i came out of the forest, i'm still not quite out of my cave yet) and much of what you have written here is the wisdom they teach also - well, the good ones. you are wise but of course that wisdom was learned thru pain. we cannot stop pain being inflicted but i love that you, and your friends, and me can find a few moments of insight by reading each others blogs/struggles/victories. thankyou.

    a couple of the books that really helped me are the happiness trap by dr russ harris, awakening to mindfulness by richard fields & the resilient spirit by polly young eisendrath.
    affirmations help too, but not about how beautiful you are. i started with one worders - compassion - acceptance, and i try to think and act in "tiny, tolerant steps" xxx.

  2. Thanks Kerryn...I think we all get sick of those boulders dropping in our paths, but we can live and progress past it if we are willing to do the work.

    I will check out the books; not sure when, but I will!!<3

  3. I envy can see much clearer then I .. and I love you....As always...XOXOXOXOXO

  4. Bongo, I have been blurred and blind for a very long time. Love to you as well. <3<3<3

  5. Anger is such a selfish self centered feeling. It feels icky, to be angry. It means that I am afraid... Fear is my biggest hurdle, so I try to pay attention to what triggers it and the anger that follows. It's usually a self involved expectation...
    I'm a bit of a control freak and learned that no one can change my life, except me. If you are a part of my life, you will be changed too, simply because I remind you as much and as often as my self, that boundaries are key, you don't have to respond to fear, and you already have everything that you need inside of you.
    You've come along way. I'm glad we've become friends again!

  6. Thanks Reb, I am as well. It will be for years in November since I had a drink, everyday the fear diminishes just a little.

  7. Sheesh, there are so many errors in this today, my apologies for that. Last one being *four years, not for, goodness.