Sunday, October 23, 2011

Being a Mother to a Psychopath

Well here I am again sitting in front of my computer, feeling the need to talk to you.
 I was reading a blog the other day all about sociopaths;(http://rockthekasbahafrica.blogspot.com/2011/10/sociopath-next-door.html) I was reading about my son. I had been aware of this at some level,but until I read the information that was linked to the blog, it somehow had not sunk in to my brain. It is a little tough to get your head around, when you are speaking of your own child. Especially when you discover that he is  actually a psychopath . (No I do not have any academic education in psychiatry), just my life experience; which actually is quite extensive.

As I began to read all the information that I printed up, all I could think was, "Well fuck, no wonder." It starts with, glibness and superficial charm, that would be my boy. It goes on with a huge list of dysfunctions that all fit Kenny completely.  I don't want to bore you with all of the technical stuff, there is lot of it. The illness has several different names and to the best of my knowledge cannot readily be treated because the person with the problem believes nothing is wrong. You could say that they can fool anyone even the ones trained to spot them. This in and of itself should give me some comfort. ( It doesn't).

I have intellectually realized that it is not my fault, no matter what I did or didn't do, he would have been this way. Emotionally it is another story, I am having a hell of a time not blaming myself for his illnesses. Guilt. In a big way, I think even worse now.

What I discovered in doing this reading is how to protect myself from him and the other ill people that seem drawn to me. Knowing my vulnerabilities with him or anyone is the key. Knowing my strengths and maximizing them will protect me. So much easier said than done. There is no black and white solution. The true psychopath will appear to meet all your needs and more, conning with feigned emotions. Playing the part perfectly until they have you, then begins the control, and dictator like behavior. This can be anywhere from treating you as a slave to total and complete disrespect for you with violence always on the horizon.

They say that by 5 you can see the behaviors starting to emerge, I am sorry to say that Kenny was much younger than that. He has an incredibly high tolerance for pain and never in his life showed true remorse for anything he has done. If he shows remorse, this too is feigned and only lasts long enough to get what he is after. What I see now is, when I would no longer take the physical threats or emotional blackmail he pulled, this is when the remorse started showing up. He conned me on  daily basis for one thing or another, when I quit falling for the con he just became blatant in his disrespect. It took me 28 years to figure this all out before I was able to put him out of my life.

Now after reading and researching I know that he will never get better and will probably end up in prison for life or dead before long. I say this because he is also very lazy, he didn't bother to con his way through school, has never worked. He is not a business head or anyone's boss, (thank God for that), he is a street person conning drugs out of fellow addicts, robbing stores for beer, beating other street folks  up to get what he wants. It is terrifying to think of the crimes he has committed , how many victims are there.

It does make me wonder if he inherited this from my side of the family; my grandfather was like this too and a pedophile on top of that. I don't know the answer to that one and I never will. I can say my other four kids have their issues, but none of them are afflicted such as he.
 I got some valuable information from:http://www.mcafee.cc/Bin/sb.html, Profile of a Sociopath, some of which I paraphrased here. I got this link from Dangerous Linda in a comment she left on: http://rockthekasbahafrica.blogspot.com/2011/10/sociopath-next-door.html; thank you both so much. I believe this will help me immensely in my healing journey. The truth, is all I have ever wanted to know about my son. Therapist after therapist told me it was my fault, his and mine, this was very eye-opening. Thank you again.

I will continue to research and study so that I may have a better understanding of how I must protect myself and the ones I love from a son who is incredibly dangerous. I would like to protect the rest of the world as well, the best I can do with that is to post this and maybe a few other posts about what I have learned. Please feel free to continue my education by commenting or posting your own blog on this subject. The better educated I can become the better I will be able to protect myself.
Following is a short list of behaviors I deal with on a daily basis from my son.

All taken from this Web site: http://www.mcafee.cc/Bin/sb.html

Profile of the Sociopath

This website summarizes some of the common features of descriptions of the behavior of sociopaths.
  • Glibness and Superficial Charm
  • Manipulative and Conning
    They never recognize the rights of others and see their self-serving behaviors as permissible. They appear to be charming, yet are covertly hostile and domineering, seeing their victim as merely an instrument to be used. They may dominate and humiliate their victims.
  • Grandiose Sense of Self
    Feels entitled to certain things as "their right."
  • Pathological Lying
    Has no problem lying coolly and easily and it is almost impossible for them to be truthful on a consistent basis. Can create, and get caught up in, a complex belief about their own powers and abilities. Extremely convincing and even able to pass lie detector tests.
  • Lack of Remorse, Shame or Guilt
    A deep seated rage, which is split off and repressed, is at their core. Does not see others around them as people, but only as targets and opportunities. Instead of friends, they have victims and accomplices who end up as victims. The end always justifies the means and they let nothing stand in their way.
  • Shallow Emotions
    When they show what seems to be warmth, joy, love and compassion it is more feigned than experienced and serves an ulterior motive. Outraged by insignificant matters, yet remaining unmoved and cold by what would upset a normal person. Since they are not genuine, neither are their promises.
  • Incapacity for Love
  • Need for Stimulation
    Living on the edge. Verbal outbursts and physical punishments are normal. Promiscuity and gambling are common.
  • Callousness/Lack of Empathy
    Unable to empathize with the pain of their victims, having only contempt for others' feelings of distress and readily taking advantage of them.
  • Poor Behavioral Controls/Impulsive Nature
    Rage and abuse, alternating with small expressions of love and approval produce an addictive cycle for abuser and abused, as well as creating hopelessness in the victim. Believe they are all-powerful, all-knowing, entitled to every wish, no sense of personal boundaries, no concern for their impact on others.
  • Early Behavior Problems/Juvenile Delinquency
    Usually has a history of behavioral and academic difficulties, yet "gets by" by conning others. Problems in making and keeping friends; aberrant behaviors such as cruelty to people or animals, stealing, etc.
  • Irresponsibility/Unreliability
    Not concerned about wrecking others' lives and dreams. Oblivious or indifferent to the devastation they cause. Does not accept blame themselves, but blames others, even for acts they obviously committed.
  • Promiscuous Sexual Behavior/Infidelity
    Promiscuity, child sexual abuse, rape and sexual acting out of all sorts.
  • Lack of Realistic Life Plan/Parasitic Lifestyle
    Tends to move around a lot or makes all encompassing promises for the future, poor work ethic but exploits others effectively.
  • Criminal or Entrepreneurial Versatility
    Changes their image as needed to avoid prosecution. Changes life story readily.



Other Related Qualities:
  1. Contemptuous of those who seek to understand them
  2. Does not perceive that anything is wrong with them
  3. Authoritarian
  4. Secretive
  5. Paranoid
  6. Only rarely in difficulty with the law, but seeks out situations where their tyrannical behavior will be tolerated, condoned, or admired
  7. Conventional appearance
  8. Goal of enslavement of their victim(s)
  9. Exercises despotic control over every aspect of the victim's life
  10. Has an emotional need to justify their crimes and therefore needs their victim's affirmation (respect, gratitude and love)
  11. Ultimate goal is the creation of a willing victim
  12. Incapable of real human attachment to another
  13. Unable to feel remorse or guilt
  14. Extreme narcissism and grandiose
  15. May state readily that their goal is to rule the world

(The above traits are based on the psychopathy checklists of H. Cleckley and R. Hare.) 

56 comments:

  1. I'm so sorry Jan! I can't imagine the pain of a mother discovering her own son is a sociopath and needing to find a way to protect yourself from him. Sometimes a diagnosis brings relief, but in this case it must bring only more pain.

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  2. wow. I've always wondered what the parents of a crazy person were like. Most people like that I see in the news just cover up for them and say there's nothing wrong with them. And I know it must be tough because it is your son, and I know you do care, but yet you are admitting that there is something wrong with him. And yes you are correct. I've dealt with psychopaths in life. They have no remorse. They blame their actions on other people. For ex a stalker I dealt with tried to break into my house and attack me. Later when we were in court the judge asked him why he did that. He said because I was going to call the cops on him. WTF? I was washing dishes. Anyway. Great post.

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  3. Hi, Jan! --

    Sometimes it feels good to be able to 'name' what we've been experiencing. I find that to be true.

    As you learn more, it may be helpful for you to find a therapist to discuss these ideas with, or, at least, that's helped me in my life. Sounds like you've had some negative experiences with therapy, and so have I, but when you find a good one it's so worth the trouble ;-)

    In a recent comment on my site, Marie, from rockthekasbahafrica.blogspot, also suggested the book: Narcissism Epidemic. I have not read it yet, but I know there is some relationship between narcissism and sociopaths, so I thought this might interest you, too.

    Good Luck as you work your way through this, Jan! Holding you in my heart!

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  4. Jan, I feel for you. Although I'm not a parent yet and definitely too far from it, I myself have been called a sociopath sometimes. Usually in a serious argument, though. This means that the person's self-esteem is too high to care about others. I know mine isn't. These tests and classifications can be wrong too, so please don't be upset about this just yet. I know that everything will be alright and your son himself will admit the fact that he needs treatment because well no one likes being labeled as a sociopath nor a psychopath. It's definitely not something one can be proud of. Best of luck to you and your son, keeping you both in my thoughts.

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    1. A perfect example of a sociopath....

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  6. Jan,

    No words can sum up how sorry I am. Until our lives become tangled up with someone like your son, we have no clue the hell that life can become. As a mother, all we want for our children is the best. You are in my prayers. Love you. xoxoxox
    P

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  7. ehhhh I have no words Jan ..you know I GET IT..and I am here for you always..there is a site that I use frequently..it has helped in my own quest for answers it is:
    http://behavenet.com/capsules/disorders/dsm4TRclassification.htm

    at least for a little while I hope you have peace and rest....I love you...As always...XOXOXOXO

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  8. @ Marie: I have known for years that Kenny carried this label, he was first diagnosed when 14. I just have never been able to believe that it was true. I am grateful for your post and the info gleaned from it. <3<3<3

    @ FlimFlam Sam: I have never been one to cover up for Kenny, but I know why people do; 1. it is hard to admit the illness period. 2. fear of reprisal. 3. someone you raised and loved has betrayed you. Thanks for reading.

    @ Thank you Linda, I appreciate the support and I will be checking on the book as well. I know I need to see a therapists, but at this time is financially impossible. I have learned and continue to learn how to love and care about my children from afar. Thank you so much for your suggestions and your support.<3<3<3

    @ The ChronicR: Oh how I wish you were right, but alas Kenny is off the charts in diagnosis, it all started when he was little more thn an infant. I could detail it out but it is to painful to go over one more time. He was diagnosed with several different disorders at 14, again at 18, and yet again at 23 or so. Unlike the average he carries the labels with pride, doesn't see any shame in it.
    The same as he brags about busting some ones face in the same way, and of course it is always their fault. Thank you for your kind words of encouragement and support. <3<3<3

    @ Thank you Pam for the understanding and compassion you have shown me. You are so right, no one knows the hell life is with someone like this in your life.<3<3<3

    @ Bonnie; Yes I know you get it and I am so glad you do. I am on the verge here of giving it up, I won't of course, but I am tired. I have beeen his victim for so many years I am not sure how to function with out it. I will check out the website you posted. Thank you for your love and support. <3<3<3

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  9. I am so sorry Jan. It must be hard on you, especially when it is your child. I had read a post of your a long time back about Kevin and I always wondered. I suppose understanding his problem better makes you better prepared to deal with him but will you ever be wholly prepared? He is your son and it must be so heart wrenching to watch your flesh and blood do the things he does. I pray god gives you all the strength to deal with this. xoxo

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  10. @Jan: Most areas you can find counseling for women at very low rates or sliding fee scale. I have found excellent therapists through United Way for as little as $8/session. Good luck!

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  11. I agree with Dangerous Linda...sometimes it is good to know what you are dealing with and then you get better educated on it...if for no other reason, just for you. Your life experience has been teaching you along the way...now you can put a name to it.

    Feeling guilt is a natural response..this is your child...however, I know on an intellectual level you know this is not your fault...

    The so very sad thing is...now you are put into living within a world of illusion and having to discern between reality and illusion. This would take a huge emotional, mental and physical toll on you...and then you have been abused on top of all this by your child.

    You are first a Mom...I can not imagine your pain around this..and how wonderful you have other children in your life. When we have a child we do not know what the final outcome will be, even when we have given them our all...this is a sickness...but as you said, hard to treat. That feeling of hopelessness must be overwhelming at times...

    My heart goes out to you and your family Jan and the struggles you have had to face. All I can say, if you can, do not allow yourself to be the victim...you have incredible strength...it shows in your staying power over all these years and your coping skills that have brought you to here...

    And when you get tired...give yourself the luxury of space and time to nurture and heal yourself...when our batteries are drained they need to be filled again...the best choices we make are from the position of our own Power...not from Emotion....know when to Power Up again...you have an amazing support group here....Always...

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  12. As a mother of a five year old boy it's a really frightening thought that your own child could turn out this way. But all parents say that you can treat all your children in exactly the same way but they will all respond differently and turn out differently and choose different paths so you cannot be blamed for what your son has done or is doing. I don't know enough to know whether there is any hope for improvement or even a cure for him, I suspect it is not that simple. but I do hope something will change for both of you for the better xx

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  13. @ Linda; I will be pursuing counselling again soon. I have a medical procedure this next week, then I will be free to get everything in line. I want my husband to come with me to some of it so he can help me to maintain my boundary's, he is willing. Thank you for your help and support.<3

    @ Ravenmyth; Thank you so much for your support and encouragement. My other children have been a tremendous blessing in all of this, they suffered and still do for Kenny's behavior. He is the youngest and their needs often got put on the back burner or completely neglected because of the attention he demanded. I have many mixed up emotions about all of this but with the support I receive her and from family I know I will be semi balanced eventually.<3<3<3

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  14. @ Not a Notting Hill Mom: No it is not that simple, if only it were. He will be who he is and I will protect myself from him. that is all I can do.

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  15. @ Rimly I am so sorry for some reason your comment went into my spam...yes I knew with Kenny but it is hard to stay out of denial when dealing with your child. I will now and with the support system I have built around myself. thank you so much for your support and encouragement.<3<3<3

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  16. And I thought I had problems only...I really admire you for handling all this..Its only when you face with such difficulties that u realize what life is all about..and nothing hurts more than the pain of our children.All I can do is to pray for you and your son...I do hope things get better with time.

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  17. Thank you Alpana, I am sure that I will get better, who knows with Kenny. I can only put him in God's hands.

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  18. Jan, it is a difficult thing to put a name to something that you have recognized as 'not quite right' with your child, although it does bring some relief to know that there is something causing his actions. I can't even begin to imagine what you are going through or how you are feeling so I won't patronize you. Just know that I am keeping you in my prayers :)

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  19. Thank you Mary; I am pretty overwhelmed at the moment I have to admit. Thank you for your support and love.

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  20. I noticed you use terms "sociopath" and "psychopath" interchangeably. They are two different things. What you are describing is most definitely the former. I'm sorry to hear that. I personally doubt the existence of people who are complete sociopaths, i.e. feel no compassion whatsoever for others and do nothing but connive and manipulate. So there may be hope. Also people with some of these traits can often turn out to be quite successful in certain aspects of their lives.
    +followed

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  21. I can't imagine what is going through your mind as you have made that realization. Know that my prayers are with you. I think you're doing the right thing, by staying informed and being proactive about realizing who is in your life and how they effect it.
    ::hugs::

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  22. have a look at http://www.fisheadmovie.com/ - you might also be interested in the new Jon Ronson book, The Psychopath test, which is about the Hare Psychopathy Test. I also have a few articles on my blog about psychopaths in the workplace and their effect on others, if you are interested: http://mudmap.wordpress.com/

    Good luck.

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  23. @ Elliot: Kenny is so violent and I have never seen any remorse in him in 28 yrs of his life. His behavior is incredibly difficult to explain but he has no reserves about knocking some one in the head to get what he wants. I know that further research is needed for myself, he has know interest in knowing as he puts it, "there is nothing wrong with me, your are the crazy one." I have never called him crazy. Thank you for your comments and words of hope.

    @ Jessica; Thank you for your prayers and your encouragement.

    @ Mudmap; I will definitely be checking out your blog and the references you gave me, I truly need to know what I am dealing with. Thank you so very much.

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  24. Jan: this must be devastating for you but you write this post with much resolve and acceptance which is simply commendable. All I can say is I am sorry and I hope you get the strength you need to cope.

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  25. Im in the same boat.im broken.

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  26. I to feel your pain. I have not spoken to my son in 7 months, for his latest action has me completely devastated. I feel the only way I can live my life, is to not have him in it (which is bringing tears to my eyes as I type this). :(

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  27. Thanks for naming this. I finally have had to come to terms with this fact with regard to my 42 year old son. It's taken that long to figure out. My heart is broken... This is the kind of information and input I need right now. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your blog.

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  28. My son is a brilliant dangerous psychopath. The more you try to face the truth of who they are the bigger the shock. It also puts you in grave danger when they know you know who they are. Be careful. They will devastate your life and then blame you for everything they do. If and when you don't cover for them then they will try to destroy you. You are not alone. Just try to survive. One day at a time. I care and understand. I don't get to see my grandchildren anymore. I also am very afraid and heartbroken. Remember you are not alone, there are others. I wrote this for you. Good luck.

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  29. Thank you anonymous I needed to hear that. I recently stopped the control and emotional roller coaster and in doing so I don't get to see my first and only grand daughter. It hurts but I will survive.

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  30. Jan, I figured my son out yesterday. I went from trying to rescue him from a cult group he has joined to understanding that there is nothing I can do to help him but love him. I will always love my son. Nothing can change that, but I must protect myself, those I love around me. I understand this condition is not black and white, it does have shades of grey, but very few shades. I genuinely believe he loves me, but that does not stop him from being who he is. I am sad, beyond sad. I can't even read this whole post, I will have to take it in bits. My other son is wonderfully empathetic, has genuine feelings and love. I write to let you know you are NOT alone, to acknowledge that I am not alone. I have no answers, I must live from moment to moment, learning as I go. It is all very fresh, very raw. May God be with us all.

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  31. I have a son who I believe is a sociopath. He is 30 now. Fortunately he lives in another state but I still get hurt whenever I talk to him. I grieve that we will never be close. He's very angry at everyone and I think he blames me. "How can I trust women when I can't even trust my mother." There's just no way to work through any issues. He has his opinion and mind made up and nothing you do or say can change it. He feels betrayed by me if I talk to anyone else about his behavior with respect to him being mean. His father is the same - who I divorced 25 years ago.. It's all very sad. I am remarried to someone who has a very loving relationship with his two daughters. I spend a lot of time with them and they are very respectful. I feel sad that I don't have that with my boys and I spend all my time with them. It's really hard to protect yourself emotionally from what he says even when I know it's not true. It's just very sad....I wish I could talk to you as I don't think anyone can truly know how much suffering and grief there is which will never go away.I think I still try to have a good relationship but it's not going to happen. Fortunately my son is older now so I don't deal with him on a day to day basis and he really doesn't want to talk to me since he thinks I betrayed him. He has influenced my other son as well. I talked to him yesterday on the phone - first time in three months - it didn't go well as usual. Same conversation. Then he posts on Facebook, "Oh I pissed you off? Suck it up Buttercup. I'm an asshole, it's what I do." It has a picture of Jack Nicholson next to the quote looking all crazy. He tells me "everyone thinks I'm an asshole and I don't care." I think he's realizing that the people (girls) he might want to be close with will eventually not want to be with him and he doesn't understand why. Instead of wanting to change, he just gets more angry and hates life. I saw the people that were killed on the Malyasian flight on the cover of a magazine the last time I was with him. I said, 'that's so sad." He literally said, "I don't really care. It doesn't effect my life." I told him, "you should say things like that out loud." :)

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  32. should not say things like that out loud.:)

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  33. My 35 yr old psychopathic son lives with me. Atop of that, as if that isn't enough, he now suffers from psychosis, from brain damage caused by drugs and several auto crashes. I need a support group. I have no family left because of him. He told me last night btw I hate you. I said, I know. You've hated me since you were 6 yrs old. I'm losing my mind. I slept with my 2 dogs and baseball bat in bed last night...if you can call that sleeping. Anyone??? my email mamacat1961@yahoo.com

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    1. Hey! I would love to talk- I will email you.

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  35. My name is Ginger Peterson, and I have a Ph.D. in psychology. I recently read an article that referenced your name, and provided your contact information. The article mentioned that you have a support group online for parents of children with sociopathy. I am reaching out to you because I have an interest in personality pathology, and I work as a behavior analyst. I am currently working towards a certification that requires a certain number of hours of implementing applied behavior analysis. I have found in working with some children who have psychopathic behavioral characteristics that they were very responsive to ABA. Unfortunately, very little research has been conducted with this intervention with the psychopathic population, but I am currently in the process of designing research in this area. I wanted to offer my services free of charge to anyone you may know who might be looking for assistance in managing problematic behaviors. The experience would count towards the hours I am required by the board to accrue for certification. I can be contacted at ginger02son@gmail.com

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  36. My name is Ginger Peterson, and I have a Ph.D. in psychology. I recently read an article that referenced your name, and provided your contact information. The article mentioned that you have a support group online for parents of children with sociopathy. I am reaching out to you because I have an interest in personality pathology, and I work as a behavior analyst. I am currently working towards a certification that requires a certain number of hours of implementing applied behavior analysis. I have found in working with some children who have psychopathic behavioral characteristics that they were very responsive to ABA. Unfortunately, very little research has been conducted with this intervention with the psychopathic population, but I am currently in the process of designing research in this area. I wanted to offer my services free of charge to anyone you may know who might be looking for assistance in managing problematic behaviors. The experience would count towards the hours I am required by the board to accrue for certification. I can be contacted at ginger02son@gmail.com

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  37. I understand this all too well... My son is a psychopath - he is presently incarcerated for 5 yrs - can be released in 3.5 for good behavior - which I'm sure he will have - he is the picture for a psychopath - charming , highly intelligent, able to manipulate and get whatever he needs/ wants with no regard for anyone else - no real emotions - but boy can he "fake them" no responsibility for any of his actions , entitled , and will lie and believe this lies - the stories he fabricates are unbelievable but you actually believe him ! He has been using heroin since 18'- now 38,in and out of the best rehabs, psych hospitals and prisons - I could write a book about all he has done , and the stories no one would believe - and he has no remorse - blames everything on me - hates me , we were ( or so I thought ) very close , had not just a son but a very good friend - talked most every day - but he was lying about everything in his,life to me, his father , the family - had another identity completely fabricated a complete different life that was nothing but lies . Agai. I could write books on all of our experiences. The unbelievable sums of money spent, the constant crisis' and again lies, and of course the worry, the pain. I cannot any longer do any of this with him - I've come to the conclusion he is a very sick and and dangerous person , not the child I gave birth to , not the child we tried to raise to be a kind, caring, decent person . He is 38 now - he has chosen repeated his path - and I can no longer walk with him , I have to say good bye - my son , the one I gave birth to and knew as a small child is long gone - so for me he is hard to say dead - I unfortunately cannot have "closure" but must accept the fact that he indeed is gone . I am 62 - I can no longer subject myself to the pai he causes and the results of that pain - I've been ill from all of this too many times - I e learned I must place myself first, my health - physically and mentally first, my marriage, my family - and others who love me and treat me kindly in my life above my son and his illness . I hurt - it's a hurt that is there - always and only another mother can relate - but I must feel he indeed "died" he truly is gone - so I grieve the lost but must allow myself to move forward - to go on and give myself permission to heal . I must apologize for the length but I "feel" for you - I wish you well - feel free to communicate with me , Please take good care of you . Peace and blessings

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    1. I understand exactly how you feel. My son is a Sociopath and a criminal. He's never physically hurt me or threatened to harm me, physically, but- I'm afraid of him. I want to mourn the loss...and move forward with my life but I don't have closure. I want to stop feeling guilty for every little mistake I made while raising him.Intellectually, I know that his condition is not my fault. I was a good mother. I did my very best. I shouldn't be feeling all this guilt.

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    3. Please excuse the typos...I very upset.

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  38. What's the difference between a Sociopath and a Psychopath?

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  39. I can completely relate. I have an 18 year old daughter that is definitely a sociopath. I know, deep down, that she is going to kill me.

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  40. I have a sociopath daughter. I've always known something was not right from an early age and I only found out what it was in her 40s. It all became as clear as water that I was a victim she thought she had the right to abuse verbally. What triggered the final blow was when we had an altercation which stemmed from something I said which she didnt like. The nasty email she sent me was a repetition of an email she'd sent me 15 years earlier. Nothing changed, still using the same hateful words as before so she hadn't moved on at all. I discovered by accident, from her neighbour's, that when they initially met me that they told her they thought I was a nice person and almost instantly she went on the attack against me. It's been almost 2 years since I last spoke to her and I feel like a weight has been lifted health wise. I've wondered for years why she hated me so much that she talks bad about me to anyone who knows me. People I'm close to have had the displeasure of her rant and choose to keep their distance. She doesn't see anything wrong, she just moves on to the next victim. In hindsite I used to praise her for recognizing bad relationships and her ability to move on. I had no idea what her part was in the breakup except that it was never her fault. What a waste of a life and I can't help her.

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  41. My son who is 37 is a Sociopath and I've known something was seriously wrong with him for 30 yrs. They said he had ADD and Conduct Disorder and Bipolar Disorder but the worse part of it all is him being a Sociopath. He has shit on my life and now that I'm 59 and ill I really really resent him ruining my life. Raising him has been a nightmare; he's harmed so many people, he's harmed animals, school was a long continuous state sponsored disaster. His criminal career started at 7. As an adult he just got better at hiding his lack of respect for all laws. Why he "married" and had kids is only twisted; He's quit and got fired from every job he ever had, he loves to have violent abusive outburst and destroy things and hurt everyone's feelings - for hours on end. He wasted all the money and refuses to pay the bills. But, of course, everything is everyone else's fault. Right now the whole house is infested with bedbugs but he refuses to treat the house!! He's a NIGHTMARE! His name is Jeremy Allen Goodman and he lives in Cincinnati, Ohio and I'm his mother and I loved him but I hate him now.

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  42. I am currently struggling with the same issue. I just recently came to this conclusion as well about my son. I love him, and it hurts that I can't fix him or help him fix hisself. I have also researched this and come to the conclusion that he must be removed from my life. It has been the worst thing to deal with.

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  43. Thank you so much for all of this insight. for years I suffered with my two sons. I finally got this diagnosis from a licensed professional. They destroyed their life. I cannot and will no longer be there victim. I have removed them from my life. I am now FREE and I understand.

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  44. Well, if it makes anyone feel better - I'm here to give good news. On Oct first I moved 200 away from my incurably ill son and his bag of snakes life and did not give him my address. It was his birthday and I resigned my position as his "Mommie, Mom, helper, rescuer", buddie, blah, blah, blah...It's been 45 days and I don't regret it one second, especially after I opened up my $1,200 water bill and $650 electric bill he saddled me with. What I have now is peace and quiet, self control over my life again, self esteem again, privacy and my abilities as a capable human being - things he tried to take away. I bled enough. This time is mine. Grow a pair of your own and take back your life, even if the transition is really, really hard - mine was (IS). I sleep on the floor. I lost so much because I mostly had to sneak away and his insanity destroyed my belongings but I am more important than furniture! I can get more things; there is only one ME. If you can't get rid of them, if you can't get someone else or some other agent or agency to get rid of them - get rid of you. Do NOT tolerate them in hopes of a cure that will never occur. Sociopaths are incurable. Soon people will find out the horrible truth about the maniac they just elected; hopefully before he harms too many people and ruins too much of this country but, I fear the worse will have to happen for people to see.

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  45. My son is 9 he know if he has good behavior and tells the workers what they want to hear he can get out of facilities since age 7. He can manipulate and lie like the best and takes what he hears in other peoples lives and turns it into his own life. Along with those little things he has attempted to kill his siblings and is now targeting girls at his school for verbal and physical assult saying they deserve it or he has the right to deside who can put his hands on, he literally thinks these people smaller than him don't have the right to tell him to go away or to not pay him attention and will persue them until it gets physical. The facility of course has him in partial treatment bc he is 9 and says I have to wait until he is 12 when the law will step in and help make him better. Though he is on meds and sees therapy and a dr. It is the scariest thing in the world to know my son has no empathy for what he does and that he thinks he has some devine right to do what ever he wants. He is 9 and I have no idea how to fix it and these drs are getting us no where.

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  46. I know of no other way than to pray for his soul. I have to go on with the daily grieving of a son who is dead to me and yet walks the earth.

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  47. I know of no other way than to pray for his soul. I have to go on with the daily grieving of a son who is dead to me and yet walks the earth.

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  48. Hi I'm looking for help/ info on how to remove my son from my life.

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  49. Hi I'm looking for help/ info on how to remove my son from my life.

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  50. Jan

    Firstly this is the most honest thing I have read on this subject. Thank you. I am very much at the beginning of my journey. My story like most people's is complex. I fell pregnant with identical twin girls, one was still born and 3 months later my other beautiful girl to cot death. My partner was a drinker and often mental and physically abusive. Stupidly I stayes with him and fell pregnant 4 months later. This time identical twin boys. Horrendous pregnancy in every way. Sick, stressed and emotionally unstable. I then lost one twin boy at 28 weeks. I was tired deflated and weak and by now single. My remaining twin was born healthy with no issues. I wanted to make sure I wasn't over protective. I was hesitant about loving him to begin with although we did bond. But it was hard. Well moving forward to now...my son is 24 and I have had to cut all ties for my sanity. I read about adult sicopaths being dangerous around children and disliking animals. This does not ring true with my son. He has never shown any hatred in that area. But his behaviour to fellow humans is disputable. He uses people he lies and steals from anyone close to him. When his lies are revealed he turns vile. Recently an ex of his visited and when he found out he went completely mad. The messages I received were hateful and hurtful. I can't carry on being the recipient of his hate and loathing. I'm researching atm as to wether the blame lies with me to a certain degree. I'm so sad he was a lovely little boy. Can they change?

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