Monday, January 24, 2011
Mental illness is the issue with my son. He and I both cried for help in so many ways for each other and for ourselves. I was left to manage this child on my own having no mental health education what so ever, he had to try to cope with his demons alone. My heart breaks for him everyday and as much as I try; I never manage to remove myself from the guilt I feel. He has several different disorders; some of which are only now being recognized as legitimate. He and I have a different relationship than I have with any of my other children. I know his lies, manipulations, and most of his other games; I also know that most of it is beyond his control. I have seen him genuinely try to change the behaviors, I have seen the demons arise and take him back. I know his heart, his heart is soft and gentle with the constant fear of being ripped out. I have a lot in common with him. Our insanity is one of the things we were able to share; as I received the help I needed and started to heal, I left him behind...His greatest fear. Because he has no money, neither do I, he can not get the correct help. He wants it now, he can feel himself dying he is 28 years old. My heart is breaking for him once more.