I spent quite a bit of time with my mother today. She is quite a woman. Loves with the innocence of a child angers the same way. I love her. Embarrassing as it is I have to admit that I had no clue haw much she meant to me until the last year, after I quit my job. What I have since realized is that she never left my side. I went through hell in my childhood and for most of my adult years,every time I called she was there.

I went to her at 15 when I had a yeast infection, she knew then I was sexually active. We still don't know if it was my behavior or my grandfather that caused the infections. She still didn't talk about it but she was there. Our town was small, not much to do. The kids would "cruise the gut", a half to 3/4 mile stretch that went through town. I had a father imposed curfew, to circumvent that Mom took me cruising. we'd park at Pacific Center and I would run around to the different cars and sneak a hit on a joint, a sip of beer or a drag off a cigarette. I don't know if she knew what I was doing, she didn't drink or smoke , I'm pretty positive she did.

A few years later I had 4 kids and an abusive husband. Once again she was there. By this time I had become a drunk, Mom knew nothing about alcoholism, neither did I. I left in the middle of the night after one last beating that endangered my children, left through a chain of safety houses to my sisters home miles away. Mom and Dad were there when I finally arrived a week later.
A short time later my "husband" tried to manipulate me back to him, I was so scared I almost went. Mom screamed at me that I could go back if I wanted too, but she would see to it that the kids never saw him again and if I was with him, I never would. Scared the shit out of me and I didn't go back. I love her for that.
We went on and on like this for another 15 20 years. taking road trips together, sharing lunches. Driving 30 miles just to get ice cream. all the while she was listening and quietly helping. Never asking for anything just helping in her stilted way with the unconditional love of a mother. I could go on for pages and pages with all the instances that she helped me back up from the flames of hell.

I will write more about Mama, it is a good topic.
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