Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Shopping for Henry





I went shopping for Henry's birthday today. He turns 2 on Valentines Day, shopping was a melancholy  visit with what should have been.  Henry was born with Cerebral Palsy due to a blood clot in his umbilical cord that developed during labor. He was born through an emergency C section, I was there with Reb. It was traumatic and horrifying, I had been through several birthing experiences including all but one of my grandkids. Henry was the color of old modeling clay and deathly still. He was dead. The doctors with all their powers brought him back,but not before I passed out. No one told Reb what was going on she was panicking; I was at a loss to help. Noah was in the other room having a panic attack not being able to be with his child or his love. I tried to help in my more than inept way, I had no clue. Much has happened in the last 2 years with them their beautiful children and in my life as well. I have 2 more grandson's who are healthy and happy one of which is theirs. Lewis is a little scoundrel , usually smiling eating or getting into something.

I am very divided I desire to spend all my time loving on Henry , helping Reb and Noah to cope, I don't want to get in the way. I spend a blessed amount of time with all the grans and love every minute of it. Henry is special, he can not do a lot of things, the one thing he can do is hear. When he hears Papa Randy's voice it is instant smile. Most   pictures I get of him smiling  are because of Papa. With the love you have for any child comes the fear and despair. I have been through many minor crisis with each and every one of my own children and several of my grandkids. Nothing that comes close to the daily heartbreak we each have to look at with Henry.
Anger, anguish, tears, saddened laughter, the coulda beens and shoulda beens. It is there every single day. I cry for my daughter, a woman who has beat so many odds to be where she is, I cry for Noah, a man that I have come to love with the devotion of a mother, Their other 3 children and the lessons on life they are having to learn way to early.
In my desire to not neglect the other children in my life I have a tendency to over stretch a bit. That is so okay, I love to take care of my mother, we share many adventures together. I have learned so much from her and from my daughter in the last year.
One thing I must add to this is that the helplessness I feel, I learned to cope to a degree because of the helplessness I had and still suffer with for Kenny.
Rebecca is soft, gentle, strong and persistent, a little hard on herself at times, but never never quits, loyal and truly truly caring of others. Noah is a bit more difficult to know, I know him as a man devoted to his family, loving ,caring and loyal  he would not like the words but he is a lot of bluster to cover his sensitivities. I could not have more respect for the two of them and the road they have already been down with Henry. Henry is the spark that lights our world.

2 comments:

  1. Henry is responsible for my daughter and I regaining our relationship and helping it to grow. He has taught my husband and I what matters; we both cry for him; but is it really for him? His medical problems are many; hard to cope with and constant. He on the other hand as the person he is; is sweet, loving and gentle. Grief is what we feel for Mom and Dad and his siblings; and ourselves, because none of us got what we expected. I hate to see any of them suffer, they all suffer for this horrible affliction he has, they and we are back and forth strong and weak. Henry is always strong. We always love him. The tenderness I see his parents showing him, even when they are at the end of their ropes is astonishing. The tenderness they share with each other and their other children is an example for any family. I am not saying they don't have their difficulties, only that they don't let it rule their hearts. I love them all so much. I pray for them daily.

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