Thursday, March 17, 2011

True Love

There are some things I must share about my husband, Randy. He drives truck, is gone 5 days a week, calls me 2-3 times a day to see how I am and how all of our children and grandchildren are. Always asks about my Mama and Henry in particular. His concern when one of the kids makes a poor decision is always genuine and full of love. He may talk about it in a negative way for a minute, but always resorts back too,"well, they'll figure it out." Or "when I think about some of my choices, I have no right to say anything." He has helped me so much in this, I am a control freak and he has taught me how to let go...a bit. He has never not been there for me and mine, whatever the need he is there. We have had several of the kids living with us for one reason or another and he always welcomes them and does his damnedest to help. When Henry is going through some of his toughest times he is on the phone constantly to be updated and the first place he goes when he gets home is to see him and his parents. When Kearstyn was in the hospital after birth, he was there everyday. He went through hell when he lost first his father, then his brother, and then his mother all within a few months, he was still there for us. Randy is quiet, doesn't talk a lot, thinks before he speaks, considering everything before voicing an opinion. This can be irritating as hell when your simply asking "white or wheat." It is also one of his best qualities,  it has saved us many a fight, I'm a fly off the handle speak my mind in a hurry kinda girl.  Him taking that time to consider I realize often how insane I'm sounding, it gives me the time to slow down and think myself.

This may all sound like reasonable stuff for a long time marriage, Randy and I have only been together for 7 years, married for 4. The children are mine, he has none. He has been more of a parent to my kids than I have ever been. He tought me how to give, how to say thank you and how to love unconditionally. It has not been easy for him., I'm ashamed to admit the hell I put him through.

We met when Randy was 20 and I was 24, we fell in love the minute we laid eyes on each other, we were both with other people. We continued to be "couple", friends for 4-5 years, then things happened and we got together for 3 yrs. I was still drinking then and he was a pothead who dabbled in much stronger drugs. I let my ex woo me away breaking Randy's heart and my own. We didn't see each other for nearly 20 years then he looked me up at the store I was working at. He walked through the door and my knees went out from under me. We were together again a short time later. Alas my insanity was at it's worst about then, Randy's father died and 2 months later I decided I wanted to be with my ex again. That lasted 2 weeks, Randy never stopped calling me during this although he did ignore more than a few calls from me. I told the ex to go to hell, I wasn't quite insane enough to bear him. Then Randy and I talked and cried a lot. He decided to come back under the condition that I do my best to get better and not let the ex into my life in any way shape or form. He Knew that I loved him, but was so manipulated by THAT man that I could never heal with him in the shadows. He forgave me. I had never been fought for before never in my life.

A couple years later one of  our closest friends died. He wrecked his motorcycle and was gone. Our home had been one of his last stops, he went in the house grabbed a beer,(there always was one in the fridge), He sat outside and we all made amends, there had been a bit of a rift between us. He gave us each a hug told us he loved us and off he went, hitting probably 80 by the time he hit the end of our street. Randy and I looked at each other and said,"he is gonna kill himself on that thing." 4 hours later he was gone. I was devastated I had known the man for 15 years I loved him dearly. From that day forward there has been no alcohol in my home. Randy doesn't have a problem with alcohol, but he understands I do and doesn't drink anymore either. He walked with me through that grief and stood with me at the service. I can honestly say I knew nothing of grief until that time. My father had been gone a long time by then and Randy had just lost his dad but I never grieved. Then we lost Mikey, Ronny and Mom all in a matter of months. I know grief now, and Randy is the strongest most loving man even through his own grief he was there for me.

A year ago menopause hit me and hit hard,  I went even more insane. I couldn't work anymore I couldn't think. I realized how badly my mother and Rebecca needed me and I asked Randy if I could quit work. He was slow on that decision because we would lose so much income. Then he said,"Well I've got a good steady job now, and if we lower our expenses it shouldn't be a problem."  " I want you to be happy, and your not doing what you are now." So I quit my job, man are we financially poor, but it is the best thing I have ever done. I Take mama all around to do her stuff, I spend a lot of time with my kids and their kids. Our marriage is much more solid and the insanity only rears it's head sometimes now instead of all the time. I could never have gotten here if it hadn't been for Randy. For the first time in my life I know I'm loved with all the idiosyncrasies that are me. He has given me a new life and for that I will always love him.


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