Monday, March 14, 2011

Denial, Manipulation, tools to be put away.

Issues; I am having issues.  Most difficult  to deal with is family members who live in denial. Denial about every blasted thing in their lives. There is nothing wrong with admitting you have made a mistake, pick up the pieces and go on. I'm am slightly tired of the sugar coated half truths ,walking on eggshells.. Daddy could be an absolute asshole as I can be a bitch. Yes, he died, but 22 years later deal with who he was. I realize that means you have to look at yourself and what you may or may not have in common with him, what better opportunity to change it in yourself. For heaven sake no one is perfect. Don't want to hurt any feelings so just suck it up?  Build your own resentments
?It all leads back to honesty, being honest enough to realize you've been hurt or imagined a wrong,  Afraid to talk? Confront?  Love might be withdrawn?  Who in their right minds wants a love built on conditions and resentments?  Love withdrawn for honesty, is not love but control.


I have been talking with mother as you all know; what I have found is that she came from a very loving open compassionate family and married into a very manipulative controlling and angry family. Being a shy girl with no experience in this type of behavior she was at loss as to how to cope.  She coped at first by standing her ground and fighting for herself. As the years went on she became more and more submissive, as my father became more and more selfish. It came out on her; as angry and grumpy all the time, wanting things her way or not at all. This put a lot of people off including her grandkids; I recognize it now for what it was, a defense mechanism. I have found her to be compassionate and giving in a big way. Being honest with her and saying "I need your help with this, because...." makes a huge difference. I always told her the truth about my own money mismanagement and rarely blamed others for it, or as in the case of my youngest son I let her see what was happening and she knew I had done everything I could. Blaming others is something she was never willing to accept in anyone and if you try to she will turn you off. I think we can all take a lesson from this very wise woman.

Instead of resenting her for what has been assumed to be judgment from her,  realize she is not stupid and treat her with the respect she deserves.  There is nothing she wouldn't do for any one of her family members, she loves us all and dearly misses everyone.

So back to the general population out there; if you have something to say, say it, don't try to manipulate till you get what you want or need, ask, if you disagree, say so and be prepared to explain why, don't pussy foot around , don't be full of fear or it will eat you up and never let you go.


Now if I could just listen to myself I would be in good shape. 

2 comments:

  1. just say it..if you need to just say it....the timing of this is amazing....now could you just tell me how to say it !!!!!! As always.....XOXOXO

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  2. I didn't say it would be easy...when I figure out how I'll let ya know. Wouldn't it be nice to not over think...just once. <3

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