Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Kenny & I have sunshine in my window.

Kenny passed out last night and I transported him out this morning. I told him that I was not going to tolerate this and that if he showed up again I would not let him in. This is when he informed me that he wasn't drunk but had taken 3 klonopin. this is why he could not form words or stand up straight. I looked it up, it is a very strong drug used for anxieties and convulsions. This from Drugs.com  (Do not drink alcohol while taking clonazepam. Klonopin can increase the effects of alcohol. Klonopin may be habit-forming and should be used only by the person it was prescribed for. Klonopin should never be shared with another person, especially someone who has a history of drug abuse or addiction. Keep the medication in a secure place where others cannot get to it.)He "had a good buzz going on" before he took these, they were the large dose. I knew about this drug as I once had a friend who was very addicted to it. Somehow he thought it was better than him being drunk. Tells you his thought patterns. I am a caregiver and I  love my son, when I watch the trials of Henry a child of love and innocence, or my mother, both of whom are being cared for  in the best way we can to provide a modicum of normalcy and happiness, it makes me sick to see Kenny do all that he can to destroy himself. I try to remember how ill he is, and I do remember I don't have to suffer for his choices, but I do. My heart aches for him. I'm not falling apart yet and I have things to do today to keep my from dwelling, which is the right thing for me to do I suppose.
There is bright sunshine shining through my window, making me want to go run amongst the daisies and Queen Anns Lace. Maybe I will.

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