Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Mothering a Psychopath Part Two.

Mom and Kenny 27 yrs. ago.
I have gotten a lot of helpful feed back from my readers of the last blog post. I am grateful for this, I am gathering as much information as I can at this point. My goal is not to help my son, but myself.

As I said I do not have a degree, I do however have a life time of experience with at least one other psychopathic personality. My grandfather; he was not only a pedophile that sexually abused me, he was also a liar, manipulator, had delusions of grandeur as well as an incredibly explosive temper. He was very successful financially and with business. He abused my father emotionally and physically, I am not privy to how he treated his wife, I know that it could not have been fun for her. He was loved by his underlings who were all hanging on his shirt tails to get a piece of what he had. He would use them then discard them after he gleaned what ever it was he wanted . During the Depression he had enough money to own 2 cars, a place on the river that included and archery court. He had nothing but contempt for anyone he didn't need to use. This included my mother. The vile threats he made to me as a young child were so severe that I still hear them in my sleep. He did things like hold my head underwater until I would submit, never apologizing or telling me he loved me. Not once. I often wonder how many other peoples lives he tried to ruin as he almost did mine.

So yes I have seen this behavior before. I have also witnessed the sociopath in the general public and in my friends. I realize this is much different than a psychopath, one of the largest differences is in the violence. No one knows the true diagnosis of either and in checking the net you can go both ways with it.
Kenny at about 7
The problem being that a sociopath is adept at telling you what you want to hear, before you know you  want to here it. They are charming and will feed you believable stories,(all lies), to make you feel like they are doing you a favor by being in your life. Until you are not needed or you confront them on there bullshit. It is risky in a big way to try and get out of a relationship with one of these people. They are adept at emotional blackmail, and in my experience very violent.
It is difficult to protect yourself from the sociopath; They are very good at what they do. I have personally witnessed; judges, doctors, lawyers, police officers, teachers, psychiatrist and pastors be fooled. Having as much education as you can is always helpful, but it also means you look at everyone with suspicion and a touch of paranoia. Being aware that these people are out there and the havoc that can be brought upon your life is vitally important. One thing to note, not all psychopaths are murderers. Sociopaths can be violent as well, they are full of rage in the pit of their gut. The differences are subtle difficult to differentiate, especially with the skill of the person afflicted. The reality is; from some of the research I did that 1% of the American population are sociopaths. Which means you are liable to run in to them many times a day depending on where you spend your time.

There is an entire web full of information on this as well as all the other ills of humanity, you can find an answer that fits what you want to hear or you can be honest. I am still in the process of going through this information and attempting to find what kind of help I need. I don't want to be told, as I have heard so many times, "I think you know what you need to know, just put it into practice." I need someone who actually knows what I am talking about to help me through this.

I am not going to obsess on this, but I am going to try and be a better person because of the knowledge that I now have. Like I said before, I refuse to be a victim any longer whether it be my son or whomever.

The other 4
Rob (now deceased) and Kenny

Kenny 4 years ago
 I keep reading that alcohol and drug abuse are common in these types of disorders, that they make the symptoms even more devastating, I can personally attest to this. What is frustrating is that addiction  gets blamed for the behavior by the people he has seen, the reality is these behaviors started at an extremely young age, first physical attack at 18 mos., he has  been persistent in these behaviors since that time. I cannot tell you how many times I had to pay for broken windows, doors, windshields, and any thing else he so desired. He once took a 16oz., glass Pepsi bottle to his sisters knee caps, he was 5. He broke a grown mans's arm at 10.  I was not his only victim by any stretch of the imagination I was the one who had to try and protect everyone, including him.  He was not an alcoholic or an addict at 5, or 10.

   Thank you all for your help, advice, support and prayers.


  1. Jan, thank you for having the courage to share what must be incredibly difficult for you. Know my heart goes out to you and you are in my prayers.

    Blessings and strength, my dear!

  2. It is difficult for me to imagine what you have gone through and to bring it out in open you are brave. Not everyone is normal in the normal terms...you are an inspiration.

  3. @ Martha; Thank you for the prayers.<3<3<3

    @ Janu; Thank you Janu, I don't see brave, I see searching.

  4. Jan, please stop by my site and pick up your award. You are one of the recipients of 'Straight from the Heart Award' that originated from The Other Side of Anna :) Congratulations!


  5. Jan, thanks for sharing this difficult story with us. I hope in your searching you find the help you need. A brave woman ... a pillar of strength to your family....

    In the meantime I have a treat for you at my blog, when you get a chance please stop by :)

  6. Oh Mary, I am so sorry; I have been off of here for awhile, I will go pick that up now. Thank you so much.

  7. Thank you Debbie, I have been off for awhile, but I think I am back, we will see. <3 I will visit your blog shortly.