As much as I feel I should, I can't seem to stay away from my blogging groups and writing out my emotions. I sometimes feel that I am a pathetic loser, seeking a pat on the back. Normally I know this is not true, my entire purpose is to share what I go through, so that some one might be helped, yet I still feel like a fraud. Little insecurity raising it's ugly head.
This week there was a incomprehensible occurrence, one that I should not have been surprised to learn of, but I was. A man I know, he is 39 now, I have known him since 19 or 20, no I haven't known him all those years actually, I knew him when he was 19 or 20 until he was 24 or so. He has recently been arrested on over 90 counts of various different sex abuse charges on children. I am so angry over this I have no idea how to put it into words. The reason for my anger is this:
15 years ago, he was a familiar sight at my home fairly close to my older children's age,( my oldest is 36), he was dating a young girl who lived next door, very young 15 I think at the time. They ended up having a baby together, sweetest thing you ever wanna meet. Because of her mother's youth and circumstances this man was able to take custody of the child. The child accused he and his father of sexually abusing her, no charges were ever brought forth. This girl is now 17 and lives with her Aunt. The girls next door , there are 4, were and are like my own children, they had it pretty rough and even in my drunken life I was able to give them some guidance and love, I was close to the baby as well. There was a close knit family of friends that the girls and I were a part of, as well as this man. When the allegations were brought forth, the friends divided some staying very loyal to him and in complete denial that he woulds ever do anything like that. I stood with the mother child and her aunts, why would you not believe a child, with my background I know that a child of 2 does not lie of these things. Up until the day he was arrested thses folks stood by him. Now they are calling the mother and saying sorry we were wrong.
What pisses me off the most about this is that it took 15 years, and how many victims, before he was actually arrested, hasn't gone to court yet so who knows if he will have any consequences. I do not understand why the first child was not protected nor why I myself didn't see it in him before that happened. Mom herself was only a child. this man spent many hours in my home, I recently found out , that he had been trying for my younger daughter, I never knew. As aware as I am, how could I have not seen. I am so angry I would probably go to jail myself if I saw him.
The good that has come from his arrest is that the baby and mom are now validated and maybe just maybe a little more healing can happen for them both. A few more people are aware how easy it is to be fooled by these predators, maybe this will help stop another man or woman. I can only pray, pray for healing of his victims and forgiveness for myself that I did not see it.
This has sent me on an emotional roller coaster, I am having difficulty with guilt and depression. Thanks to Bonnie and my friend Carolyn for convincing me to not leave my blog. I almost did. I didn't know my friend was even reading the blog, she called me out of the blue yesterday to tell me thank you for all I had taught her through my words. I knew her in high school, hadn't spoken since we were 16 or so. We are in the process of rekindling our friendship, I am ever so grateful for this. I wrote Bonnie through facebook a very long letter telling her the above story and that I was reeling from it, she told me to write and that she loved me. precious words to me. I am grateful and humbled.
Below is a partial list of the charges brought against this man. You can see from the charges why I have been sent tumbling. He was in my house. WHY WHY WHY can't it be stopped.
This week there was a incomprehensible occurrence, one that I should not have been surprised to learn of, but I was. A man I know, he is 39 now, I have known him since 19 or 20, no I haven't known him all those years actually, I knew him when he was 19 or 20 until he was 24 or so. He has recently been arrested on over 90 counts of various different sex abuse charges on children. I am so angry over this I have no idea how to put it into words. The reason for my anger is this:
15 years ago, he was a familiar sight at my home fairly close to my older children's age,( my oldest is 36), he was dating a young girl who lived next door, very young 15 I think at the time. They ended up having a baby together, sweetest thing you ever wanna meet. Because of her mother's youth and circumstances this man was able to take custody of the child. The child accused he and his father of sexually abusing her, no charges were ever brought forth. This girl is now 17 and lives with her Aunt. The girls next door , there are 4, were and are like my own children, they had it pretty rough and even in my drunken life I was able to give them some guidance and love, I was close to the baby as well. There was a close knit family of friends that the girls and I were a part of, as well as this man. When the allegations were brought forth, the friends divided some staying very loyal to him and in complete denial that he woulds ever do anything like that. I stood with the mother child and her aunts, why would you not believe a child, with my background I know that a child of 2 does not lie of these things. Up until the day he was arrested thses folks stood by him. Now they are calling the mother and saying sorry we were wrong.
What pisses me off the most about this is that it took 15 years, and how many victims, before he was actually arrested, hasn't gone to court yet so who knows if he will have any consequences. I do not understand why the first child was not protected nor why I myself didn't see it in him before that happened. Mom herself was only a child. this man spent many hours in my home, I recently found out , that he had been trying for my younger daughter, I never knew. As aware as I am, how could I have not seen. I am so angry I would probably go to jail myself if I saw him.
The good that has come from his arrest is that the baby and mom are now validated and maybe just maybe a little more healing can happen for them both. A few more people are aware how easy it is to be fooled by these predators, maybe this will help stop another man or woman. I can only pray, pray for healing of his victims and forgiveness for myself that I did not see it.
This has sent me on an emotional roller coaster, I am having difficulty with guilt and depression. Thanks to Bonnie and my friend Carolyn for convincing me to not leave my blog. I almost did. I didn't know my friend was even reading the blog, she called me out of the blue yesterday to tell me thank you for all I had taught her through my words. I knew her in high school, hadn't spoken since we were 16 or so. We are in the process of rekindling our friendship, I am ever so grateful for this. I wrote Bonnie through facebook a very long letter telling her the above story and that I was reeling from it, she told me to write and that she loved me. precious words to me. I am grateful and humbled.
Below is a partial list of the charges brought against this man. You can see from the charges why I have been sent tumbling. He was in my house. WHY WHY WHY can't it be stopped.
| Lane County Sheriff | EGC 201111393 | ||||
| ENCOUR CHILD SEX ABUSE 2 | Lane County Sheriff | EGC 201111393 | |||
| ENCOUR CHILD SEX ABUSE 2 | Lane County Sheriff | EGC 201111393 | |||
| ENCOUR CHILD SEX ABUSE 2 | Lane County Sheriff | EGC 201111393 | |||
| ENCOUR CHILD SEX ABUSE 2 | Lane County Sheriff | EGC 201111393 | |||
| ENCOUR CHILD SEX ABUSE 2 | Lane County Sheriff | EGC 201111393 | |||
| ENCOUR CHILD SEX ABUSE 2 | Lane County Sheriff | EGC 201111393 | |||
| ENCOUR CHILD SEX ABUSE 2 | Lane County Sheriff | EGC 201111393 | |||
| ENCOUR CHILD SEX ABUSE 2 | Lane County Sheriff | EGC 201111393 | |||
| ENCOUR CHILD SEX ABUSE 2 | Lane County Sheriff | EGC 201111393 | |||
| SODOMY-1 | Lane County Sheriff | EGC 201111393 | |||
| SEXUAL ABUSE-1 | Lane County Sheriff | EGC 201111393 | |||
| USE CHILD IN DISPLAY SEX | Lane County Sheriff | EGC 201111393 | |||
| SODOMY-1 | Lane County Sheriff | EGC 201111393 | |||
| SODOMY-1 | Lane County Sheriff | EGC 201111393 | |||
| SODOMY-2 | Lane County Sheriff | EGC 201111393 | |||
| SODOMY-2 | Lane County Sheriff | EGC 201111393 | |||
| SODOMY-2 | Lane County Sheriff | EGC 201111393 | |||
| SODOMY-2 | Lane County Sheriff | EGC 201111393 | |||
| SODOMY-2 | Lane County Sheriff | EGC 201111393 | |||
| UNLF SEX PENETRATION-2 | Lane County Sheriff | EGC 201111393 | |||
| UNLF SEX PENETRATION-2 | Lane County Sheriff | EGC 201111393 | |||
| SEXUAL ABUSE-1 | Lane County Sheriff | EGC 201111393 | |||
| SEXUAL ABUSE-1 | Lane County Sheriff | EGC 201111393 | |||
| SEXUAL ABUSE-1 | Lane County Sheriff | EGC 201111393 | |||
| SEXUAL ABUSE-1 | Lane County Sheriff | EGC 201111393 | |||
| SEXUAL ABUSE-1 | Lane County Sheriff | EGC 201111393 | |||
| SEXUAL ABUSE-1 | Lane County Sheriff | EGC 201111393 | |||
| SEXUAL ABUSE-1 | Lane County Sheriff | EGC 201111393 | |||
| SEXUAL ABUSE-1 | Lane County Sheriff | EGC 201111393 | |||
| SEXUAL ABUSE-1 | Lane County Sheriff | EGC 201111393 | |||
| SEXUAL ABUSE-1 | Lane County Sheriff | EGC 201111393 | |||
| SEXUAL ABUSE-1 | Lane County Sheriff | EGC 201111393 | |||
| USE CHILD IN DISPLAY SEX | Lane County Sheriff | EGC 201111393 | |||
| USE CHILD IN DISPLAY SEX | Lane County Sheriff | EGC 201111393 | |||
| USE CHILD IN DISPLAY SEX | Lane County Sheriff | EGC 201111393 | |||
| USE CHILD IN DISPLAY SEX | Lane County Sheriff | EGC 201111393 | |||
| USE CHILD IN DISPLAY SE |
