That being said let me continue.
I think the most important thing I have learned since becoming sober is that I am not alone.
However; sobriety is a journey I must take on my own. This is my sobriety.
My sobriety means to me that I can no longer hide in the self depreciating behavior of my past. My own past.
it means I must experience the pain I have been burying.
I must recognize and admit the pain I have caused.
Being able to feel joy without guilt.
I still have long moods of hating me and what I have done, but that is getting better too. Menopause has been rather detrimental to my healing, 2 steps forward 3 back at times. I don't feel sorry for myself, only frustrated.
I am off on a roller coaster ride I never intended to take.
The anxieties are many, who will I be? How will I get there?
Can I do it? What is it?
I suppose these are all normal questions.
I know many other people have taken this journey and have been very successful in their lives. Me I don't even know what successful means.
I am a simple person, I don't aspire to financial wealth. I do want to be able to make people smile in their pain and realize that no matter how little hope there is it is always there. I want to let people know that they too can have peace.
I strive to find the positive in the most difficult of situations. I wish to give those in perpetual pain a little relief, if only for an instant. I will no longer hide my pain in helping others, that is not what I mean.
I genuinely would love to spend my life giving relief to those I love in any way I can.
If only the spinning in my brain would stop I might be able to find my way.