Monday, May 23, 2011

So much to say, yet the words elude me.

I have been running around like a "crazy" person for the last month or so taking pictures and more pictures. That I have no clue what to do with them, besides post them on Facebook, doesn't really matter. It is my therapy, I can be in my own world, focus on the object in the lens, and hope it creates what I see. I love pictures of bees doing their jobs, buzzing to and fro collecting the nectar, pollinating the world.  I look at the pictures I've taken, sometimes it will take me back to that moment and others it is not what I remember seeing. The bees hop from flower to flower making love to each as they visit, knowing that they must hurry or all will be gone as the blossom fades.

I take pictures of landscapes as they  appear  at that moment, I go back to the same place a week or two later, it seems so different. The trees have leaves and the grass is green, the water is full of new life, the cycle continues. I am always amazed and feel like a child as I observe the birds building their nests and the squirrels collecting food for their little ones. "Oh, look there is a baby duck and it's mama." I don't have to have any children around to point these things out too, they are just there to see.

I spend time photographing family members, to the point that they call me the popparatzi, I carry my camera with me at all times and capture some of the best shots of the grandkids, a few of their parents, not a lot of the parents though. I get yelled at if I post them, by all but one, because they don't "look", good that day. And they say I'm crazy...

The result for me of all the picture taking is that I look at the world with different eyes, always looking for the beauty in a subject, rather than seeing the ugliness. I can see despair of a home once lived in proudly, now abandoned to foreclosure. The roses once pruned and vibrant now pale and overgrown. The sadness is soon dissipated by the the new life I see under the bushes, as a baby raccoon pokes his nose out, curious at whats going on, who is in his yard. Brings a smile to my face as he chatters telling me to go away. I'll leave him be.

The clouds in the sky are an ever present, it seems, beauty of nature that I can't seem to resist. Looking up recognizing the power of the wind, the colors of the sky, rainbows are hard to photograph for me as I get so awed I forget to take the picture.

You see, I hurt a lot of the time, emotionally, and physically, I don't take drugs, I don't drink. I am not much for crowds or groups as a general rule. Believe it or not I am a private soul and shy.
As I have grown older I have chosen to spend my time loving the people I don't have to convince to love me, that will not hurt me,I have protected myself from the judgmental,  the rest of my time is spent enjoying the world as I see it through my camera. 


  1. keep looking through that see beauty..and you are sharing it with's nice to see through your eyes..comforting....warm and fuzzy..THANK YOU...As always...XOXOXO

  2. Jan, I understand the life behind the camera! I spend a great deal of time there myself. Things always seem to take on a different light through a camera lens :)

  3. The pictures are filled with a variety of emotions from the subjects.... but it also reflects the emotions and thoughts of the person behind the camera... and those are many....

  4. It is amazing how differently I see things. Much cheaper than that therapist was too; now that I don't buy film.....<3<3<3

  5. Jan,
    I see all the beauty you capture with you lens.... Don't ever stop...

  6. Thank you Jess; I won't stop unless of course my camera goes the way of my computer; this thing is giving me fits I tell ya, fits.

  7. "As I have grown older I have chosen to spend my time loving the people I don't have to convince to love me, that will not hurt me,I have protected myself from the judgmental."

    I can relate to those words, good you have comfort behind your camera ... Loved the pictures