Hello I am back; for a minute anyway. I was pretty sick for a couple of weeks then I became a bit of a basket case.
I'm not "fine" now; but I am here.
My brain has been exploding with whys lately. I let myself get in to a mode of, "what could I have done differently", None of this is healthy but it is what is there.
Kenny went back to jail, while there was working on a plan, once again, upon release, he went back into the cycle of drinking and anger. I worry for him, his brain doesn't function normally in the first place, he does everything ,it seems, to make himself worse.
I realized a few things about my mother as well, this put me into a spin of how I could help, I came to the conclusion that again, there is nothing more I can do.
Henry will have to have another surgery, this little boy suffers all the time as do all the members of his family, who are amazing.
My other son and his family are also having trials and tribulations as we all do, I do what I can to assist and not enable poor behavior.
I had a physical today, all the physical things wrong with me are pretty minor at this point but will progress and nothing can really be done about that either.
To conclude, I am feeling utterly helpless and don't know what to do with myself. I walk around and take pictures and work on my yard. I take care of Lewis sometimes and I take care of Tristyn once in awhile.
I know I will get through this mood or whatever it is, I will never be in the darkness as I have been before; right now it is just difficult to see the light. Thankfully ,I do know it is there.